Attraction and feelings

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Attraction and feelings

wornaki
Hello World (or people reading this forum)!,

I wrote this post in my blog a few months ago. It was meant to be an introduction to my line of thought and the importance of substance over appearance. It also broadcasts my vision about the essence of bonding. I'd appreciate any input...

"This is probably a topic deserving 5 or more posts, but I’ll try to condense it into just one. I’ll probably go back to it in the future, as nothing is ever definitive…
What causes attraction? Evolutionary anthropology, psychology and a few other disciplines are quite verbose about it. The theories are endless, and probably timeless as well. It’s fairly obvious that health attracts as it suggests good genes and high life expectancy. Health in women may include the obvious signs of capability to endure pregnancy and the rigor of living, hence to typical 0.7 waist to hip ratio, general hourglass figure, smooth skin, tight body and pleasing aesthetic presence. Obviously physical characteristics are determinant when it comes to attraction to females by heterosexual men, but it’s never enough and it shows… Plus, within certain range, different men will set their priorities in increasingly different ways.
What attracts me to women? As a man, I can’t deny I often feel attracted to slender or thin girls with most of the characteristics listed above, but the ultra hot type of woman for whom most guys would lose their heads hardly ever attracts me. I’m not denying the beauty of a supermodel, but generally they never have the ‘kwan’ (in the words of Rod Tidwell). The crucial ingredient is somehow missing.
So, now, really… what attracts me to woman then? There’s this indescribable, ineffable ‘air’. It encompasses thing such as grace, modesty, a nice smile, quietness, softness, some natural vulnerability mixed with a strong presence, posture and the general way in which she carries herself. I guess the ultimate test in regards to the level of real attraction for a lady comes with the answer to the following question: does she make me feel ‘eager’ to protect her in a nurturing way? If the answer is positive, then there’s certainly that much needed spark. Few women in my life have made me feel that way and even though I haven’t met many of them, I’m sure I could recognize the feeling.
Why is the spark so important to me? Because I could never find any loud, invulnerable and manly woman attractive, regardless of whether she had the body of a Venus. The sense of attraction never worked for me based on looks alone. That brings me to the next topic… what kind of feelings does attraction bring?
For many men attraction means that they want to possess (in every possible meaning) the object of attraction. I wouldn’t be true to myself if I denied such a feeling, but, while lingering in strength, it’s never alone and never that much important. A woman  to whom I’m attracted may never realize it, but one of the first feelings she provokes is the one of spiritual bonding at a peer level, I want to feel like I’m a friend of hers far more than I want to conquer her. I want to understand her and provide for her, be of some use to her life. Then, if our bond gets stronger (and I’ve never reached this stage), I’d feel the need to shower her with affection, affection I have inside of me, ready to be unbottled, but that’s way too far into a relationship and it requires that the woman allows me to feel what I need to feel before…
So, basically, attraction is way too complex to be described and feelings are never quite easy to be put into words. This attempt has showed (once again) the very limited nature of written language.  Sorry about that.
Gladly, a blog allows for better ’speeches’ than regular conversation. Of course, I can’t quite talk to the typical guy in his 20s about this. Hormones are usually very powerful in that decade and the search of a soul-mate material does not rank very highly for most of them, at least not high enough as it does for me. All in all, I hope that most of you will be able to get that if some man doesn’t quite answer with unstoppable cheering to the view of a beautifully modeled woman out there, it may mean that, although he acknowledges the beauty of said woman, he doesn’t feel moved by it."
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Re: Attraction and feelings

Ardia
Attraction is one of those things that we all like to analyze.

Welcome to the board, Wornaki  :)
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Re: Attraction and feelings

fschmidt
Administrator
In reply to this post by wornaki
Isn't what you are describing just love versus lust?  Love is about bonding while lust is about conquering.  Modern society has blurred the distinction between love and lust, and love has lost out as a result.  Love is very much a co-alpha emotion.
Following the Old Testament, not evil modern culture
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Re: Attraction and feelings

wornaki
Love is very difficult to grasp, because it requires time and "practice". However, it's easier to feel love if attraction goes beyond physical interest. Love is, to the lack of a better phrase, a gut feeling, it makes bonds strong and durable and it's scarce as well. Hopefully, some day people will include it back in romantic relationships. In as much as I can see, it's deeply missed...
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Re: Attraction and feelings

Ardia
In reply to this post by fschmidt
fschmidt wrote
Isn't what you are describing just love versus lust?  Love is about bonding while lust is about conquering.  Modern society has blurred the distinction between love and lust, and love has lost out as a result.  Love is very much a co-alpha emotion.
Limerence

You mean most people simply don't go through this, regardless of whether they get the girl or not?
I know I do.