My father's car broke down this morning. I went to go help and when I arrived I could see that he was in the middle of the road. He wasn't in danger but he was blocking traffic in one of three lanes. Since my father is older he doesn't really know how to use his cell phone. So even though he has a phone to call a tow truck company he couldn't figure out what buttons to press on the phone when going through their reporting system. I don't blame him, modern technology sucks. If silicon valley was serious about improving modern technology, they would fire all hipsters and instead conscript elderly from retirement homes under orders to complain about whatever bothers them.
Anyways I made the call for a tow truck company and was told a tow truck would arrive within 20 minutes. About every 5 minutes someone would drive by and ask if we needed help. In this same scenario I wouldn't of offered to help anyone unless they were someone in my community. So I found it odd that we were receiving so many offers for help. We were even receiving offers from ghetto thugs. We declined the offers because the tow truck was going to arrive any minute and I had already given them our location. Whenever we declined an offer someone would make an arrogant remark. Eventually a random fire truck drove by and they forced us to move our broken car.
The firemen started by berating my father and I for not having pushed the broken car already out of the way. Then they started ordering me around to push the car. While we were pushing the car they were snickering when my father didn't respond quickly. Since he has bad hearing and is older this is to be expected.
My conclusion is basically that people feel like unimportant losers in their daily life. So when a situation arises where they can offer help they want to show off and receive an applause. They aren't interested in genuinely helping, it's just an opportunity to gain attention. You see this same thing in the corporate world where zealous managers go out of their way to publicly crucify people under the guise of offering help when someone makes one microscopic mistake.
I don't see why people can't offer help in a non-condescending way.
People feel powerless - and they are without understanding why - so the culture is very big on ways to deflect that feeling of powerlessness. Condescension, sarcasm, etc. are the tools of the weak, not the strong. (It's the same reason why PUAs use "negging" - that's what people in this culture respond to because they are so weak and insecure.) Normal people wouldn't be condescending. If you are healthy and know you have your place in life, you feel powerful. Or at least you feel "solid" so to speak. If you are insecure, you'll be vulnerable to condescension. And insecure people will use sarcasm and condescension to deflect the proverbial microscope away from themselves.
I've noticed older people, or people who aren't complete assholes will usually try to deflect like this by trying to play up their meager accomplishments or knowledge about whatever their make-work non-productive jobs are. This is slightly better, but it's still the same thing going on in their minds I think.
But most people under 30 in America are definitely sarcastic idiots and condescending assholes. Even friends do that to each other. That's how ingrained it is. And I always hated that. At least with friends you know it isn't mean-spirited, but it still always comes off as being one step removed from being real condescension. And the insults and sarcasm tend to be about women, and your lack of success, or whatever, when it comes to male friends. Females will tend to be catty and passive-aggressive with each other, but the insults and sarcasm are still at the heart of it.
Not that I really care anymore since I've given up on this country, but I do usually try to avoid making people feel stupid. For example, if they can't find something where I work, and it's pretty easy to find, I'll try to use humor to let them save face: "Oh, it took me two weeks to figure out where that was when I started working here." Things like that. But I tend to avoid younger customers and just help old people too, so I avoid most of the younger assholes and idiots.
I think you are spot on when you say this behavior is ingrained in people. I think this is a big reason I do not fit into American Society. I'm a humble nice guy and try to help people when I can without holding it over peoples heads. That's why I resent it when someone makes a big deal out of helping me. A few years ago one of my friends came up to me and reminded me that he had bought me dinner at Mcdonalds one time and asked when I was going to pay him back. It was absurd because I had let this guy live with me for over a month (rent free!!) and helped him move into his new place when he got back on his feet. I never saw a dime for any of that and didn't expect it! I was just glad to help a friend! Yet he had the audacity to think I owed him because he had spent 5$ on some shitty food at mcdonalds once... Unbelievable.
"I don't see why people can't offer help in a non-condescending way."
not only that, but they are SCARED of people who have the courage to ASK FOR HELP when they need it. In my experience it is so. I NEVER FIND HELP WHEN I NEED IT. I ask for it in all possible ways. People act like I should be ashamed of asking for help (ridiculous idea) and it's a SIN to help someone.
Clearly they are morally confused. It is very hard to find genuine help in this society. And no I don't think money would solve the problem. That is not genuine help.
It's almost impossible to find genuine help or anything genuine at all here.
There's nothing to do, we're seeing the moral and social fabric of the world disintegrating before our eyes. We can only witness this as there isn't any "solution", this is the way it's supposed to go. Civilizations rise and collapse.
Sometimes I even wonder if it's supposed for good people to be POSSIBLE to live in here. It is certainly very difficult and hinduist scriptures said that in the end of the kali yuga wise people would simply go live up on a mountain. I am living up on a mountain in the sense that I completely isolated myself from most people, but thst is not enough: I actually and physically want to go up on a mountain.
Society is toxic and almost every single social interaction is disfunctional.
Most people should be seen for the MENTALLY ILL individuals they are; the idea that they are "normal" is completely false no matter how much they pose like they are. Most people are psychopaths. A normal person doesn't want to deal with them. THEY are antisocial, while a person who wants to stay away from them is social, would want normal social interactions but can't. This is a paradox, everything is upside down: antisocial people today are the most social, and normally sociable people are alone.
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