Below is another old post of mine, posted on
niceguy and copied to
MarkyMark.
The basic concept of marriage is that the man invests in the family in return for the sexual fidelity of his wife. This way, the man can invest in kids who he knows are his. If the husband invests resources in other women besides his wife, then he is violating the marriage contract and his wife has every reason to be jealous. But why do women insist on a commitment of sexual fidelity? One argument is that male sexual infidelity can lead to a relationship in which the man will invest. But this still doesn't explain why a wife would insist so strongly on complete male sexual fidelity including no casual sex.
It is well known that women prefer men who are successful with other women. The evolutionary benefits are obvious. A man who has the opportunity to spread his genes to many women will probably produce sons with the same opportunity, thereby also spreading the mother's genes. This would indicate that women would actually prefer to marry men who can have sex with other women. So why do women insist on the opposite?
PUAs have a concept of the "shit test" where women test men to see how good they are as reproductive partners. These tests are passed not by answering logically, but by showing strength. The insistence of wives that their husbands commit to sexual fidelity only makes sense as an extreme shit test. If the husband agrees and commits to sexual fidelity, then he has shown that he is weak and has failed the test. By committing to sexual fidelity, he is showing that he has no backbone and will give in to his wife on all issues. If his wife believes her husband's commitment, she will view him as a doormat and will soon find him boring and lose interest in having sex with him. If she doesn't believe his commitment, she will consider him a lying bastard and the marriage will be full of drama until it finally falls apart. Either way, the husbands loses. By refusing to commit to sexual fidelity, the husband passes the shit test. The wife will then feel that she still needs to compete with other women to hold on to her husband, so she will continue to be sexually attracted to him.
To be clear, I am not advocating male sexual infidelity. I am only advocating a refusal to commit to sexual fidelity. In this situation, your wife will inevitably ask you if you have been going with other women. If you have, then you have three choices, lie, refuse to answer, or tell the truth. Lying to your wife is so contemptible that I won't discuss it. If you refuse to answer, then she will think much worse things than what actually happened. If you tell the truth, you will hurt her but she will probably get over it. None of these cases are ideal. The ideal is actually to be sexually faithful to your wife without ever promising to do so. In this case, when your wife asks you about other women, you can honestly tell her that you haven't had any. It is very likely that she will believe you since you had the strength to refuse to promise this. She will be thrilled that she has succeeded in keeping you for herself, and she will love you for having been faithful to her on your own terms.
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