Two Visions

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Two Visions

Vision is too strong of a word. They were more like two different recurring sets of powerful imagery that stayed with me for a while.

The first "vision" occurred during a family vacation to a touristy city. I was freshly out of college and could not find a job. I was still in incel hell and depression was an everyday reality for me. At that point, I had never even gone on a date, had a kiss, or anything. I was with my family in this city and I just remember all these sights, smells, sounds, and they all mixed together into a sickening mixture. I kept seeing couples of all ages all around. I was still at the point where I didn't understand fully why things were the way they were. I felt like I was being teased by some unknown force. I felt like I could never have a relationship. One day, while we were out and about, I saw a bookstore and asked if we could stop by there. I picked up some classics for cheap and started reading them in the car and hotel room. That was a refuge of sorts, and it showed me I didn't belong to the culture.

The first "vision" that kept recurring was of myself in the future, and it began on that vacation. About 30 years old. Working a dead-end retail job. Living at home because I could never afford to move out. Still dateless and a virgin. It was a short "vision" but it was more vivid than daydreaming or something like that. it stayed with me for around three years I guess. This "vision" was part of what eventually pushed me to go abroad.

The second "vision" was quite different and wasn't personal. The image would start with earth and 'zoom out' deep into space. Eventually, after passing many stars, I would see a planet. It had humans on it. But they were not like the real humanity. They fully embraced the sacred. It was a planet of life affirming rituals, humane behavior, virtues and values for the good of humanity, and an understanding and appreciation for the sacred. Everything about this world was indicative of this. Imagine something like a combination of Native Americans crossed with wise aliens as depicted in some sci-fi movies or something, but with CoAlpha/Traditionalist values in particular. Clothes and homes in this world were made in such a way that seemed to be fused with natural world, as if there was no particular delineation between any two things. This "vision" stayed with me for a long time two, and it was something my mind would create when I was in the deepest despair of thinking the entire world was hopeless.

I guess the lesson is that sometimes your mind will try to protect you in various ways, perhaps spurring you to action or providing a retreat of sorts so that the world you really do live in doesn't completely erode your sanity. The first vision I partially credit with my choosing to go experience life abroad because that kind of fear overcame my fear of traveling abroad. The second vision was purely defensive I guess. It didn't give me hope for myself, but had the slight consolation that perhaps evil did not control all of the universe. Perhaps one speck had remained good.